Attack of the Pregbots
Posted By: Ms. That Girl | May 20, 2010 | 1 comment
I used to work with a sweet young woman named Jackie. Jackie and I always got along, and we surely could’ve been good friends. But we never got that chance because something terrible happened to Jackie: she got pregnant… and then she was eaten alive by her own fetus.
True story, folks. From the moment she laid eyes on that little “+” on a pee-soaked stick, the transformation began from “pretty cool chick” to “fucking weirdo.” It’s a sad story being told more and more by women like me who have lost friends and family members to gestation.
Pregnancy is, in fact, a blessed event and should be acknowledged as such. However, pregnancy is not the only thing that has ever happened to anyone; and for some reason, so many women (Jackie included) think differently. They seem to be under the impression that the world has stopped revolving and it is now acceptable to creep out as many people as possible with their 9-week old ultrasound pictures. When a preggo looks at that picture, she sees a beautiful baby with sparkling eyes, chubby cheeks and rosy lips. Unfortunately, she is completely unaware of the fact that all anyone else sees in that picture is what looks like a fucking chicken nugget on a string.
As if it weren’t bad enough that seeing that shit is almost inevitable these days (with the use of Facebook, MySpace, and whatnot), I want to know why we have to see you waddling around in the mall with a t-shirt that says “Future M.I.L.F.” or “I’m not fat, I’m pregnant.” Bitch, no one wants to fuck you, we’re aware that you’re pregnant, and newsflash- you are fat. The only printed t-shirt you should be wearing is one with a warning on it: “CAUTION: Knocked up. Initiate conversation at your own risk.”
I miss Jackie, and I wish she could’ve been helped before she became a Pregbot. But it’s too late now… she’s gone; lost in a world full of nursery shopping, burping and imaginary people who give a shit.
If you, or anyone you know, are suffering from this socially-damaging affliction, please know that you are not alone. You don’t have to be a fucking weirdo just because you’ve seen so many others go down that path. Ask any non-pregnant person how much they truly care that you are, and they will tell you the truth. Never lose hope.
-
E. Rock May 21, 2010 at 1:06 pm
Ha! Brilliantly written.
I hope Mr. This Guy writes a blurb about the guys who get the girl prego and then all of a sudden drop off the face of the Earth as if Daddy mode is the only mode they need from that moment on. Hey, we’re all happy you’re focusing on responsibilities and trying to prepare yourself to be an appropriate father, but Jeus H. Lopez, keep a friggin balance.
One Response
Subscribe to the RSS feed for comments on this post.