Blinking Yellow Lights
Posted By: Mr. This Guy | March 11, 2010 | 3 comments
Men are supposed to love tits so I love tits, but secretly tits are kind of stupid. The best thing about tits is saying the word tits. It rolls off the tongue like I’m speaking a magical language or just speaking French. Tits are in their basic form, just udders… Are men preconditioned to think of breasts as sexual objects because as prepubescent youths, we’re never allowed to actually see breasts? In foreign countries, breasts are not treated as the sex objects they are here in America. Is it a coincidence that breasts are shown openly at beaches and on TV in many of those foreign countries? And just like how, here in America, we are all binge drinking fuck heads because alcohol is so taboo , we are all binge ogling tit mongers too.
Not me, however. I like to think I take the foreign approach to tits. Sure I like them and they help make a woman look feminine, which is what’s attractive, but I don’t give a great degree of attention to the boob after that- at least, not since I was 12.
My other objection with tits is what to do with them when I’m attempting to bang a lass. How much time do I focus on her boobs before I focus my attention on the prime directive, The Vagina? Too little time, and she thinks I am a creep who is just trying as quickly as I can to bang her. Too much time, and I’m a creep who has some kind of Oedipelian tit fetish . I usually just play with them, until I get the signal to proceed with caution. Basically, The Boobs, to me, are a set of blinking yellow lights…
Now the third piece of the puzzle… What the hell do I do when a girl has boobs that are so large they are obscene, and I can’t wrangle those bastards together for even a second? Sometimes, in bed, I just want punch the shit out of them. Is this normal? On the other side of the coin, there are plenty of ladies out there with tiny boobies. I seriously have fat friends with bigger boobs then some of the girls I have slept with. As always, I cordially kinda play with them, and do whatever the hell else you’re supposed to do with boobies. I’m gentle. yet firm- and cautious, yet playful. I do the stupid coy dance that I do, all while really just trying the bang her silly.
In conclusion, TITS are the appetizer before the real meal. Only, in my case, they happen to be an unfulfilling, awful appetizer…. like a salad…
BOOB TERMINOLOGY
SIZE NAME
HUGE ”TITS”
AVERAGE “BOOBS”
TINY “BOOBIES”
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Hugo March 11, 2010 at 11:52 pm
but the right set of tits are like that perfect side dish that goes great with the right main course. You may have not found your perfect side dish yet.
Aaron March 11, 2010 at 9:36 pm
I don’t care what you call ‘em, tits, titties or boobies, they’re all OK with me. Maybe I’m a conservative shit hole in this notion, but I don’t fuckin’ care what the French think. Tits Rock! Ladies, if you got ‘em, flaunt ‘em. GO TITS!
Michael March 11, 2010 at 8:38 pm
A compelling argument. I think I’ll have to reexamine my own relationship with fun bags
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