I Hope They Serve Bacardi and Diet in Hell
Posted By: Ms. That Girl | January 27, 2010 | 6 comments
I remember coming across this book atop my ex-boyfriend’s dresser. It was peeking out from underneath a pile of Maxim mags and the book of crossword puzzles he takes with him to the shitter. Upon pulling it out and giving it a once over, I knew he wasn’t getting it back. The fact that he owned a book that looked like it was being read only added to the intrigue of it’s clever name and cover. This riveting piece of literature is entitled I Hope They Serve Beer in Hell, written by a sexy motherfucker by the name of Tucker Max. On the cover is a picture of himself with his arm around some chick- a censor bar covering her undoubtedly glossy eyes. I couldn’t wait to crack this one open. I knew I was gonna be in for a laugh.
So I read it cover to cover. I now have further understanding as to why my ex-boyfriend is my ex-boyfriend. Although I did laugh quite alot, it was mostly because I didn’t know how else to fucking react. Through the account of ridiculous events in the lives of he and his pigdick friends, Max takes us through a magical journey of drunken nights, drunken fights, and drunken butt-sex. No, no- no homo. We’re talking random, desperate, wasted chicks willing to take it in the back. They had to be hot, though. These guys looked out for eachother like that. Apparently, friends don’t let friends go home with fat chicks. So, BASICALLY this book was written by a douchebag, for douchebags.
T-Max, man. I’m sorry, but why the FUCK would you air out how much of a loser you grew up to be? Yeah, you went to law school and are about to be a lawyer. Hope you like that, buddy ’cause uh…that’s gonna be about it for you. No wonder you gave all your re-re friends aliases for the book. Even they were probably like “Nah, man. Fuck That.” Oh, so now you’ve gained all this money in royalties at the expense of losing any trust a woman would ever have for you. Smooth. Actually, you probably just ruined any chance you ever had of having a relationship with anyone. At all. Anyone who is not the dumbest bitch ever. Not to mention I would be utterly astounded to ever see another publication from you because it seems you’ve pretty much used up all your pathetic material. Not gonna lie, sir- there were plenty of times throughout reading your lovely book that I laughed at you, not with you.
Honestly, bro, I would love it if and all my girls and I could come hang out with you and all your boys. Don’t you worry. We’re not fat, but we do all have plump, juicy asses ripe for the fucking. I’m sure all of us females would get off just seeing you guys TRY to get us to go home with you. Actually, depending on how sexy you are, one or two of us just might. Hey, don’t threaten ME with a good time. But trust me, baby- you’re the one that’s gettin’ left in bed wondering what’s wrong with you because I just bounced. You’re the one that’s gonna take it however I chose to give it to you. Breakfast in the morning? Please. That’s not even my real number.
Max, I really don’t know who the fuck you think you are. Before I opened your piece of garbage book, I thought you we’re sexy as hell. After suffering through it, I want to throw up on your face. Here it is, my friend: you are NOT. THAT. COOL. “I hope they serve beer in hell! Hahaha, derherher!!” You’re not even cool enough to go to hell, bro. Satan would laugh right at you and be like, “Yo, who let this ass-pirate in? Get the fuck outta here.”
-
Susie April 2, 2010 at 11:28 pm
LOL!! I’m ALREADY laughing..great blog broheim..even better BURN..i read a lot about this guy too and totally agree..
Steel Tip April 2, 2010 at 12:30 am
ya know what… what if I said my mother was dead? How’d you feel then, huh?
Like shit
Chris February 6, 2010 at 12:18 am
This is a great post! I salute your sarcastic tone!! More please, Ms That!!!!
« 2010 Fashion. | Truth In Intent »
6 Responses
Subscribe to the RSS feed for comments on this post.