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Posted By: J.M.B | February 18, 2010 | No comments

“He put the bottle to his head and pulled the trigger. And finally drank away her memory. Life is short, but this time it was bigger than the strength he had to get up off his knees. We found him with his face down in the pillow and a note that said ‘I’ll love her til I die’. And we buried him beneath the willow and the angels sang a whiskey lullabye’”- Brad Paisley, Whiskey Lullabye.

Jesus H., country music- what the FUCK. The snippet above is just a taste of the endless country songs/lyrics that invoke a feeling in the listener equivalent to watching a puppy get shot in the face. I cannot tell you how many times I’ve gone from happy-go-lucky to suicidal in a 2-3 minute timespan because of this shit. But I love it. It’s like I just can’t enough of it and I think Nashville knows that. Sneaky bastards. You think the shit you hear in Hot Topic is depressing? Sarah McLaughlin or Tori Amos make you sad? Yeah, me too. But NOTHING buzzkills like a good old fashioned “my-wife-left-me-dog-died-im-homeless-now-daughter-has-leukemia” country song.

On the radio this morning, I heard one of my favorite songs by the Dixie Chicks, even though it’s depressing as fuck. The song is called “You Were Mine” and it’s sung from the point of view of a woman whose husband left her for another woman and she’s like “WTF” all devestated and shit. And there are kids involved! Here comes the heartbreak- “He’s 2 and she’s 4 and you know they adore you. So how do I tell them you’ve changed your mind?” Ohhhh my Godddddd. My parents are still together, so I don’t know what it feels like to be a child of divorced parents. It doesn’t make me revisit any horrible memories, but SOMEHOW, this song makes me feel like my parents are splitting up like right now.

In addition to the Dixie Chicks, another of my favorite country artists is Gary Allan. The emotion is his voice adds so much to his music. But, let me tell you- this man will rip your heart out, throw it against the wall and then set it on fire. With gasoline. “Songs About Rain”, “Life Ain’t Always Beautiful”, and “Waking Up Screaming” (Waking. Up. Screaming.) are just a few of the many Gary Allan joints that will rock you to the core of your fucking soul. I often wondered where he gets this stuff- but you know what I found out? His wife commited suicide a few years back. Dude…bro…dude…wow. You wanna hear someone legit grieving out of your speakers? There you go. Yes, yes, I know Eric Clapton’s “Tears in Heaven” is really serious and has probably made the entire population tear up at one point, or another. But people don’t realize- there’s a crazy amount of underground hick shit out there that is just as fucked up, if not more.

Dude. Look into it yourself, if you think you can handle it. But heed my advice when I tell you to NOT listen to it after any traumatic events in your life. Or when you’re drunk.

I can’t even talk about this anymore… Excuse me while I go drown myself in the bathtub.