+1 You are now friends with That Dude.
Posted By: J.M.B | April 9, 2010 | 8 comments
I have about 1200 friends on Facebook. Out of these 1200, about 800 are my friends. Out of those 800, about 500 are my friends. Out of those 500, about 100 are my friends. And of those 100, probably about 20 are my friends. Confused yet? Bare with me…
Today, the word “friend” seems to have either lost all original meaning, or just gained a whole bunch of new ones. Let’s go ahead and restate that first paragraph:
“There are about 1200 people whose FB pages are directly connected to mine. Out of those 1200, about 800 know my name. Out of those 800, about 500 have met and had a conversation with me. Out of those 500, about 100 have hung out with me on more than one occasion, and we talk. And out of those 100, I have an established meaningful relationship with probably about 20.”
Ok, so here’s where I just get silly; out of those 20, how many are my friends? (haha) What I mean is, if not all, which within this close-knit group of people care about me enough to be worthy of the title? And to whom am I worthy of it?
In order to answer these questions, we must first explore what exactly a “true friendship” entails. For me, it’s like one day I think I know, and the next someone has reinvented the definition for me. That usually happens when someone who I consider to be a friend says/does something that effects the way I feel about them. I don’t necessarily mean that in a negative way- sometimes I find myself surprised and enlightened by the actions of those people. I’ve often found myself thinking “Wow. Now THAT’S a friend,” and I can only hope I am, or strive to be a worthy recipient of this kind of love and respect.
The kind of things that “wow” me in a friend are things that I suppose come with age and maturity. In middle school, our friends were the kids at our lunch table. In high school, they made up our “clique”; the people we partied with, gossiped with, hung out in the hallways with, etc. As adults, the idea takes on a whole new meaning. Whether we realize it or not, since grade school, we’ve been filtering and replenishing, all with the intention of figuring out which of these people are truly worth our time in the long haul. I’ve always kind of looked at it as running everyone through a series of subconscious tests; observing their habits, gaging their decision-making, and in a way almost “bookmarking” notable qualities, whether they be points of concern or reassurance. The people in my life who I consider to be real “text-book” friends all have a few very special “bookmarks” in common. They have all claimed a very secure spot in my life, based upon the mutual recognition of the following:
First and foremost, and contrary to popular belief, best friends do not need to talk everyday, nor every other day. One of my favorite sayings is “Friends are God’s way of apologizing for family.” Your friends are supposed to be like your family. The love should be set in stone between you guys to the point where you can go extended periods of time without talking to eachother, and talk again like you never missed a beat (and if it does feel like you missed a beat, you went too long.) It should be understood between you that you live two separate lives, and your schedules may just not permit constant contact.
Second, there is a difference between caring for someone’s best interest, and being supportive. True friends maintain a balance between the two. For example, if a friend were to be in an unhealthy relationship, I would do/say everything in my power to try to steer them away. However, as long as my friend isn’t being abused, I am obligated to stand-by if they choose to stick with it. I might give them some tough love, but as soon as I cross that fine line into douche-land and put them down for the choices they’re making, I lose best friend credibility. You don’t hurt someone in the process of trying to keep them from getting hurt. I always say, “My best friends are happy when I’m happy and mad when I’m mad.” That’s the rule I have for myself as a friend to them, all the while maintaining a logical (sometimes objective) point of view.
Support (in general) is third. What is important to a friend should be important to you. My friend, Susie is a perfect example of what I’m talking about. Since the day I started blogging on my other site and now on GT&T, Susie has made it a point to read almost every single thing I post. She works and goes to school, and still makes time during her busy day to support me in my career to the best of her ability. I’m sure much of it is entertaining for her, yes, but I’m also sure there are times I bore her with a topic she may not be very interested in. Still, she keeps up and has been my number #1 fan all along. Now, THAT’S a friend. And when it comes down to it, she (out of anyone) will get the best of me. Between great companions, there should always be an equal amount of time and conversation spent on what goes on in one another’s lives.
Understanding, love, and support (among other things like respect, loyalty, honesty, etc.) are all qualities that are part of the real definition of the word “friend.” Sadly, I don’t really have 1200 friends. (In fact, there are people on my Facebook who I don’t even really like. Haha.) But THANKFULLY, I do have a few, and I feel very blessed. These are the “lifers,” the ones who have gone and come back, and who may go, but will come back again. I want to thank them all and tell them that I love them very much! (You all know who you are… probably because I tagged you. 
)
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ChristineW May 13, 2010 at 4:11 am
I don’t know how i’m JUST reading this..but youaresorighton.
miss you!Aaron April 25, 2010 at 2:02 am
Great article. I’ve just been thinking about FB lately and how I have almost 300 friends and probably less than 20 of them are actually friends that I stay in contact with. Many are people I haven’t seen or spoken to in 20 years. And more than half I haven’t said one word to since we ‘friended’ each other. Weird how this website, among others, has changed how our society views ‘friends’.
J.M.B April 10, 2010 at 3:26 am
colleen- so comforting to know there are others out there who drink as much as i do.
JC- you singlehandedly make my LIFE better. thats serious.James C. McLaughlin April 10, 2010 at 12:05 am
We’re all very lucky to have such an amazing friend as you, Jess!! Everyday I count my blessing for all my friends and the fact that when I need them they will be there for me, much like yourself. We could go for days without taking and have no problem just jump starting our love for each other again. You guys are all the light at the end of my tunnel!! I love you!
Colleen April 9, 2010 at 10:50 pm
That’s why I’m so damn picky with approving friendships on facebook…. If I really do not like someone, never met them, or had a conversation with them I don’t approve. What is the point? So they can stalk me and claim they’re my friend? That’s lame. I like to think that I’m trying to keep the true meaning of the word “friendship” alive….I think the people I know need to earn those stalking capabilities. hahaha iii don’t know.
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