What What

Ah, Springtime. Love is in the …App?

Posted By: Lana Morelli | March 30, 2010 | 8 comments

It’s springtime! The birds are chirping and the animals are running around two by two. (No, this is not Noah’s Ark. I’m trying to paint a cheesy picture here.) Anyway… the sun is shining, the air is warm and as you take a deep breath in, you can just feel it…love is in the air.

So only one questions remains…. Is there an app for that?

Yes you read that right!

Today there is an app for everything. You can get directions, a restaurant recommendation, the weather, a sports report, Facebook updates, the news, or check your schedule all from the courtesy of your phone or computer.

So maybe this is why we 20-something’s have pathetically used it as a crutch in the dating department. Maybe that is why we have sadly been slacking off in dating.

I personally think that the technological “advancements” make many things easier, like checking traffic and weather reports, but have simultaneously destroyed the last remnants of traditional courtship.

A phone call becomes a text; a love letter becomes a cryptic email; I’ll call you becomes I’ll Facebook you. No longer do you have to consider “walking to the ends of the earth for your love,” because you could just get a web cam and Skype them from the comfort of your own living room!

In my experience, Technology has de-sensitized the passion that once played a very important role in how to pursue relationships.

[ENTER MY EXPERIENCE]

I had met someone out a few weeks ago. We talked, nice conversation, he was cute, funny, bought me a drink…everything seemed to be progressing normally. My friends and I were ready to leave and the guy instinctually asked me for my number. I was happy he didn’t wait until I was already half way out the door. It was going well.

As my friends and I drove home I got a text on my phone. “Just wanted you to have my number…it was really nice meeting you.” Normally, I’m not one to respond to late-night texting. I believe late-night texting is the same as “drunk dialing” and I’m just not into that. But this message seemed normal, so I text back, “You too” with my signature happy face. That was it.

I was happy he didn’t try to pull a “Where are you going now?” or even worse the 2 AM “Want to hang out tonight?” Whereas those answers are always HOME and NO. Like I said, drunk-dialing and drunk texting usually don’t end well…so I avoid those situations at all cost. Anyhow, that was not the case with this guy, he only sent the one cordial message…it still seemed to be going well.

The next day- it’s Sunday around lunchtime, and I get a text from him. “How’s your day going?” Seems normal, so I respond. This texting banter chitchat goes on for about 45 minutes at which point I am now getting in my car to drive. So, in lieu of texting and driving, I hit send on my phone and call him instead.

This is where things get messy and stop going well…

He doesn’t answer. Weird, I think. He just sent me a message 2 minutes prior. Hmmm… I’ll leave a voicemail…

“Hey I’m driving, just thought I’d call ya instead of texting and driving, guess I missed you, Bye!”

I hang up. My phone is silent for the rest of the ride home.

Maybe he’s busy, at work, in the shower… the list of excuses grows and becomes more creative as the time progresses on.

But after the whole day had passed and no reciprocation or any interaction from him at all, I started thinking…

Was it too soon for a call…was it still the texting stage?

Is there such thing as a texting stage?

Maybe the call scared him off?

Did I break some cardinal rule about when to call and when to text?

Is there a rule about texting vs. calling?

If there is a said rule, no one informed me… So by the next day when my phone didn’t ring, I figured it was a lost cause. That’s how I am…a “cut your losses kind of girl.” So don’t worry, I’m not heartbroken, and trust me, I didn’t lose any sleep over this guy. When he finally did text me again (two weekends later) I didn’t respond. I’m a firm believer in NOT hiding behind a Facebook message, a text or an email, but “cutting to the chase”, making the call and making the plans.

But this wasn’t a wasted experience, because he did get me thinking…What is going on in today’s society or at least the 20something world of dating?

Are some of us 20-something’s so dependent on technology that when actually faced with real social interaction, it seems too much? If there isn’t an app to assist or a device to aid you, then do you find yourself at a loss?

The irony is that technology has made communication faster and easier, yet we can be more detached and removed. We are instantly accessible, yet, more inclined to make excuses for ill manners. Texting is the most lackadaisical halfhearted form of modern communication out there and yet, we still manage to make excuses when someone doesn’t have the common courtesy to respond. No service, lost phone, no Internet; we validate the apathy with excuses.

I hate this. I hate excuses for poor/lazy behavior!

Maybe I’m asking too much, but I remember asking my grandparents how they met. The story goes like this…

“I met your grandmother right before I was leaving for the service. I was going with a girl that lived across the street from her, but I used to see your grandmother sitting out front. (This was in Southwest Philadelphia so you can probably be certain she was sitting on the stoop). I always thought your grandmom was pretty so I just broke it off with the girl across the street and started talking to your grandma. I left for the service real soon after that, but your grandmom and I wrote letters the whole time I was in the war. When I came home, I took her out, we were going together and then we got married.”

That was my grandpop’s version. Pretty cut and dry. He was dating someone who he wasn’t into so he broke up with her. He found another girl who tickled his fancy so he pursued her. They got to know each other through letters. He came home, took her out and after dating for some time they got married. They were married 59 years until my grandmother passed away last year.

That was how it went. You dated who you liked and if you didn’t like them anymore you stopped dating them. You ask them out face-to-face and you broke up face-to-face.

So when did things get so complicated? When did tweeting about your date, changing your Facebook relationship status, sending a BBM, text or email weasel its way into and become commonplace in the realm of dating?

My grandparents wrote letters. Letters that traveled across an ocean and through a war, just to talk to one another, yet we manage to make excuses for someone who lives a few miles away and can’t respond to a call in a timely manner…It’s ludicrous!

Somewhere along the way our generation lost the gumption that our grandparents had. They didn’t have the luxury of hiding behind a text, email, or message to break up with or ask someone out. They had to “grow a set” and physically, in person, (Gasp!) just do it!

So modern technology has made things easier, but it has also made us all a little wimpier. We cower behind the glowing screens so we don’t have to face the “what if’s” and the rejection.

I never really considered myself a hopeless romantic… but if meeting someone and having them ask me out on a dinner date, without the texting, tweeting, Facebooking, messaging… makes me a “traditional romantic”… then just call me Juliet.

SHORT AND SWEET…AKA…MORAL OF THE BLOG

Let’s all man-up! (That means you too ladies!)

Give your thumbs a rest from texting, stop the incessant tweeting and Facebook updating and close the laptops. Give your eyes a rest from the blue backlight on the screens and get off your lazy asses to make some “ real-life ” effort. Get out there, you know, like they did in the old days with face-to-face interactions!

8 Responses

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Sssk April 13, 2010 at 8:40 pm

It’s not just the 20 somethings… Im late 30′s and it is very sad how things are now, especially in relationships but even as a boss, my employees will just text me when they call out, very easy for ppl to hide behind technology..
Smidge "The Boss" April 2, 2010 at 1:23 am

Although I do believe Lana has made many valid and great points, I feel like I need to point out the one thing we are all missing here. Fear of rejection. The world of technology has softened the blows of rejection. It has allowed us to gage other people without investing too much into them, in turn protecting ourselves. I don’t advocate this method of self preservation, I am a “cut to the chase” kind of person myself. But unfortunately, this is how the dating world has evolved.
Lana Morelli March 31, 2010 at 7:12 pm

I’m so happy everyone else feels this way! Thanks for the kind words and support! I hope I can continue to tell-it-like-it-is! Check out more of my posts….www.lanas20something.blogspot.com and follow it if you like!

xoxo
Lana
Colleen March 31, 2010 at 5:09 am

I love this blog! It’s a damn shame that this is how it is nowadays. Everyone has become fixated with little gadgets and use them as something to avoid confrontations whether good or bad. I hate that.
Christian Rivera March 31, 2010 at 2:49 am

You couldn’t have said it any better. Not only does our generation lack the balls in the dating world, but it hinders business practices as well. Twitter, cell phones and facabook have made us all indirectly connected yet directly distant (if that makes any sense).

Like you’ve covered, the ease of which we can communicate using these other devices has made us much more careless about our interactions in-person. This is not only affecting the dating world but I wouldn’t be surprised if a large part of the decline in people landing jobs is due to them simply not applying in person or speaking with a manager/supervisor. This indirect communication is not only ineffective, but can often cause miscommunication with context (which is also a dating-tech issue).

On the flip side, technology has helped people find each other as well. Dating sites have been successful in bringing people together. Although, those people are probably those types who have lost the “set” you speak of.

At any rate, you make a ton of very valid points and you’re a very good writer. Kudos to you and keep doing your thing.
Aaron Van Gossen March 31, 2010 at 12:50 am

Yep, all this new-fangled technology makes things a heep more difficult, don’t it?
J.M.B March 30, 2010 at 9:47 pm

soooo true. unfortunately, I think without all these means of techno-courting, a lot of people would be too shy to ever even attempt to get to know eachother. sad.