Romantic comedies ruin everything.
Posted By: John Hoey | March 23, 2010 | 5 comments
This thought came to my mind the other day when I overheard my mother talking about a movie she wanted to see… one of those typical vanilla and insanely unrealistic romantic comedies. You know the ones I’m talking about. The ones with that standard fill in the blank Hollywood formula. The movies that us guys have to go to on dates in which we spend the first minute figuring out exactly how this predictable piece of crap is going to end, and the other standard 89 minutes figuring out how we’re going to keep a straight face walking out talking about how “sweet” it was and how we relate with Hugh Grant so much- all the while biting our tongue from reminding her that Hugh Grant is a hooker-banger in real life!
FORMULA: (Girl meets guy + three minute montage of them falling in love to a Coldplay or Maroon 5 song) + (problem happens = girl goes to airport to randomly leave country) = guy stops her at the gate + make out + credits = waste of $11.50.
Here’s the problem girls- don’t ever hold us to that standard. Life isn’t rated PG-13, and you don’t find your soul mate in 90 minutes. Here’s how it really goes down in the real world, Sally…
Girl meets guy, then they date for a while with insane amounts of walls up to protect themselves due to past awful experiences and to not appear more interested than the other is in them. Then there is a slight chance the walls come down and you find a common ground and a relationship develops. Then sure enough in time, inevitable problems occur.
Okay, girls- now pay attention. This is where you are supposed to go to the airport to fly somewhere randomly right? Wrong…because we aren’t showing up. We aren’t paying $500 bucks for that ticket and going through cavity searches from security at the chance you will get back with us. Nope. We let you leave after putting us through the “does he really care about me” tests, and we go call your friend. You know- the carefree supporting female character who is often as hot as the main character but for some reason doesn’t have all the mental issues the main female lead has (see Marisa Tomei in Something About You) …and that’s how it really goes down.
I’m not trying to be brutal, but I swear these movies have warped some women’s perception of us guys. We can’t compete with these fictional dreamboat scenarios. Furthermore, I think these flicks insult your intelligence! Because underneath it all, you know from the drawing board, it’s some fat bloated sixty year old fat cat at Paramount who picks up the phone and says, “Call McConaughey’s agent, let’s pump out a quick $100 million winner. What? A script? I don’t know, use the one from his other flick and change the character names. We’re making money here, people!!!”
So, girls- next time you’re mad at us for not having 14 abs, or stopping you at the airport gate, remember- we are the real deal, as much as our fictional on screen rivals make us look like we suck worse than we actually do. We love you. Cheers.
-
J.M.B March 24, 2010 at 4:14 pm
What you described right there Aaron is literally the scene I picture taking place in “2 Outta 3 Ain’t Bad”…. crazy
Aaron Van Gossen March 24, 2010 at 1:57 am
My ex broke up with me in a letter left on my bed. (long story) Two days later she came back to my place, at midnight, in the rain, crying. I swear it was a scene out of one of these movies. She tells me she’s sorry and she made a mistake. I took in her my arms, comforted her and told there was no way we getting back together. Hollywood endings only happen in Hollywood folks. Sorry.
Colleen March 23, 2010 at 6:38 pm
Surprisingly enough, I totally agree with you. These movies make the real deal man look like shit in comparison lol. Ever since us females have been kids we’ve been fed the fantasy stories of prince charming and such.. and then we grow up thinking that’s how its gotta be….in the end we are disappointed some way or another. I’m not saying men suck or anything, I’m just saying the average man can’t compete with these ridiculous movies and prince charming stories, no matter how much they love you. But that doesn’t mean to give up trying to make us smile… just do it your own way.
onevoice March 23, 2010 at 6:14 pm
Wait a minute….don’t men do the same thing when it comes to perceiving women? Men only pay attention to the big boob – bimbos that only say what men want to hear. Not all women are like the ones in porn movies. We are just as real as men are. Also, not all women think that how a man acts in a movie is how he is supposed to act in real life. That’s just retarded. Nobody’s perfect.
I’m just sayin’ that men aren’t the only ones going through this. Please keep this in mind.
Thanks.
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