SURPRISE!! You asked for it!! (PART II)
Posted By: Steel Tip | March 31, 2010 | 15 comments
So, we’ve established what “Surprise Sex” is… and who is to blame. But why must it be a completely unpleasant experience for the girl? After sitting down and reflecting on my last blog and the comments that followed, I’ve decided that I can’t stop women from dressing like whores, nor can I stop men from buying said whores drinks and eventually giving them some Surprise Sex. But I can give some advice to you guys (or girls… let’s be honest, every once in a while you Surprise Sex us too) to make what will end up being a regrettable night for both of you, into a pleasant (yet still very surprising) night of passion… a night to remember!
When you’re sitting at a bar with some buddies, you know you’re going to find that one girl (or guy, if you’re a lady looking to creep) that you need to get with. Ultimately, you probably just want to take her to the bathroom and Surprise Sex her… but really? First of all, who knows what disease is waiting for you in the bathroom, let alone it noting being very comfortable. Secondly, it’s frowned upon. Do you really want this person to wake up the next morning regretting what’s been done, probably on the verge of killing herself? I didn’t think so…
Once you identify your target (let’s be honest here- you’re on a hunt), start off buying her some drinks from across the way. When she nods in acceptance of the drink, return a simple nod to acknowledge her thanks. She either is a prude who isn’t going to come up to you at all, or a slut who would follow you to the bathroom we discussed earlier. Either way, you’re about to kick it into bad boy mode and show her how things are done… your way or… well… your way!
Ideally, you’ll want to be at a hotel bar for this. It has easy access to rooms with a bed, you probably won’t be recognized, and you can make a quick getaway. After supplying the bait- I mean drinks to your target, walk up to her and demand she follow you. If she shows some resistance you can A) supply her with more alcohol or B) drag her out of the hotel bar with you. The former choice would probably turn less heads, but if you must go with choice B, make sure her friends aren’t around, and claim you’re her boyfriend and that she’s had one too many. This could be where your friends come in handy to back you up, and the bartender would probably believe you if she can see more underwear then clothes, and smell the drinks you’ve been providing her all night on her breathe (hope you’ve been buying her some Long Islands!)
Once you’ve made it out of the bar, it’s time to really show you’re badness (which we all know that’s what women want, The Bad Guy) and make her pay for the room! It doesn’t matter how you convince her, but you need to do it! You don’t want anything being traced back to you (as we established earlier, this is nothing more than some thought out Surprise Sex to ensure your target doesn’t go suicidal afterwards) and let’s be honest… you probably just dropped a ton of dough on her at the bar- it’s her turn to ante up anyways!
Once in the room, it’s time to tone down the bad ass-ness just a tad bit and tone up the romance, even if it is just for the moment. Perhaps order up some champagne (on her dime of course) and chocolate covered strawberries to get started. How about drawing a nice warm bubble bath-what chick doesn’t dig that, right? Here’s when you kick back into Mr. Bad-ass Douche, so that she knows that this is in-fact a one night stand and that she shouldn’t get any ideas of this “relationship” lasting past the nigh. So, as you sponge bathe her, dunk her underwater for a few seconds. Make sure to let her up for a few moments to catch her breath before dunking her again. And please, PLEASE… don’t let the excitement get to you and keep her under for very long… we don’t want to have to stage a “dead hooker in the hotel room” story… just strike a little fear into her to know who the boss is!
After the romantic bath, bring your date to the bed, making sure she is thoroughly dry… except in the important places 
You should probably take this time to restrain her to the bed as well, and when asked why you’re tying her up, just explain that between all the drinks, the rough bath, and the restraints it will be the best night of her life (which, in all honesty, probably will be because she’s stuck around this long and probably has daddy issues). Now, don’t be greedy and just go right for the Surprise Sex… again- we want this to be a night for her to never forget, right?
You’re going to want to sensually kiss and bite her as you make your way south for the tongue lashing she deserves! Now, you need to be good at eating the pink taco in order for this to work, so if you’ve never done it before, watch some porn and PRACTICE!!! You want her to be crying because it feels so good… but then you stop just before she hits her climax! Remember… you’re in charge, and there’s nothing like a nice tease!
Now is when you can jump right on in and show her what you’re really made of. The big key here is to allow her for climax this time, before you cross that finish line. That way, after what’s transpired throughout the night, she gets a payoff too.
And this is where everything comes to an end, you clean up, get dressed, and head on out. Oh… but wait? What about this evening’s date? She’s still tied to the bed, isn’t she? I think the nicest thing to do at this point is to cover her up, so she doesn’t get cold, and let housekeeping take care of her with the rest of the garbage in that room (any self-respecting person would have found a way to bail by now).
Steel Tip’s Final Thoughts
DO NOT even attempt this Perfect Surprise Date if you ever want to have a chance with this person as a potential significant other… seriously… they may hunt you down after this and take some revenge.
DO NOT accidentally kill your date… this is for the both of you to experience a pleasure like none ever experienced before!
Ladies… if you don’t want to participate, then DO refer to my previous blog ‘SURPRISE!! You asked for it!!’ as to why this kind of shit happens to you!
Until next time, I’m Steel Tip and you’re ugly… stay classy Blogadelphia!
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chris April 11, 2010 at 8:32 pm
Awesome! What I applaud is Steel Tip wearing his iq on his sleeve. I like that, there’s nothing more frustrating than idiots that keep quiet to keep you guessing. I like to know where people stand. Shock jocking though? It’s just that it’s a little awkward seeing that from what I assume is an adult when it’s more of like, a lonely-16-year-old thing. I guess it’s like the typical contingency plan for uninteresting people. I don’t think there’s anything to applaud about lazy writing getting reactions though, but I will admit that there’s always a large audience for this type of stuff.
I’ll bite. Here’s something I came across a while ago, a decent woman’s idea of a decent man. She’s an ex-feminist so you know she had some sense knocked into her at some point. http://www.henrymakow.com/once_two_men_were_in.html
Trait 6, treating women like women, in particular the short anecdote:
“I once read about two men standing on a sidewalk when a prostitute walked by. One man tipped his hat and said, “Good day, ma’am.” The other looked the other way, then later asked, “Why did you even speak to her, she’s a prostitute!” To which he replied, “I greeted her not because of who she is but because of who I am.”"
Too old fashioned for you? Then it’s time to grow the hell up. While she’s maybe not dead-on with everything I still think it’s pretty stupid that a woman knows more about masculinity than the average modern man like Steel Tip, who we all know sits down to pee.
Looking forward to part 3!
Steel Tip April 2, 2010 at 1:31 am
This must be how Kevin Smith felt when Clerks got the reaction it got. I am truly honored, and assure everyone that one day there will be a conclusion to MY trilogy. Let’s be honest, you can’t have Two Towers with out Return of The King, right? You can’t have Empire fucking Strikes Back with out Return of the Jedi!!!
Don’t worry kids… just like we’re anticipating Kevin Smith to round out his Clerks Trilogy, I’m anticipating Part III of this… but for now, I’ll let this topic simmer and move on to some other topics… then nail you harder than Tiger Woods.
Smidge "The Boss" April 2, 2010 at 1:12 am
I do believe it is time for the boss to interject. I have to applaud Steel Tip for getting reactions from people enough to discuss this topic. We can debate all day long over how women act, how men act, and the grey areas of who is right or wrong. Think about this people… how would you react if Steel Tip was actually a woman writing this? Im sure you would chalk it up to “entertainment”… Although he is indeed a man, he did his job and got his reaction.
Steel Tip April 1, 2010 at 2:51 pm
I’m fine with it… get the attention off of me! Who knew Surprise Sex was such a touchy subject??? lol
double A April 1, 2010 at 12:09 pm
did Aaron just try to make this blog about him? attention whore much lol
Aaron Van Gossen April 1, 2010 at 2:20 am
Colleen, I doubt he’s been in this situation before other than his fantasies. Trust me, most sex stories men tell are just fantasies, it’s just that we get into them so much they feel like they actually happened, so we’re only partially lying.
Although my most sordid sex story actually did happen, but I don’t talk about that stuff anymore
Steel Tip April 1, 2010 at 2:13 am
Colleen… I’ll have a blog dedicated to you and the rest of the world that wants to lynch me right now in the next few hours (or whenever my beautiful editors decide to publish it
).J… I’m a shock jock when I’m not a… blog jock? Whatever… but I’m not trying to disgust anyone.. just shock you! I suppose I can just taser y’all next time?
J.M.B March 31, 2010 at 8:44 pm
I think he wants to disgust us… lol maybe because we were a little sensitive after part 1??
Colleen March 31, 2010 at 8:30 pm
Steep Tip. First off please let me state that I do not dress like the whores you describe nor do I act like the whores that fuck in bathrooms. I have more respect for myself than to do that. I do agree with you to a certain extent that yea, if a girl dresses like a slut then she should expect to be treated as such. However, I would hope that you had more respect for your own self than to even partake in the sluts and whores you described in both blogs. Obviously, after reading this blog, you most likely do partake because this sounds like a situation you’ve been in before. Mr. Steel Tip, bottom line is girls need to have more respect for themselves in the way they dress… and men need to have more respect for themselves AND for these girls (who obviously have issues). It actually sickened me to read some of this stuff and the fact that guys will treat women this way. The fact that you would even consider “dragging” a girl to a room when or if she clearly did not want to, and then continue to tell people shes your girlfriend and has had too much to drink, then dunk her head underwater and tie her up so she has no other choice but to be fucked sounds like harrassment/rape to me. You sir, disgust me.
double A March 31, 2010 at 7:40 pm
yes MR. Tip i know you said final deed.. i did read. i may not spell check but i do know how to read. but i think if your gonna put us through allllll of that.. you could at least fucking let us get 2! we can go more than once. sorry then men only have the compasity to have one O then they shrivel like little boys. if you wanna treat the whores like whores, let them get off like them too.
Steel Tip March 31, 2010 at 7:31 pm
Colleen… I never said this was right… but would you rather just get boned in the bathroom? At least this way, there’s some fun to it! Bottom line, don’t dress like a whore and this won’t happen to you. Guys, don’t be douchebags (yeah I know, I’m the pot, you’re the kettle) and you can actually have said whores fawn over you.
Double A… you’ve known me long enough for me to not even leave a response for you. And if you read carefully, I do say to make sure girl, from now own known as whore, get’s off during the final deed.
double A March 31, 2010 at 6:37 pm
your just not nice steel tip.. not nice. she at the very least deserves to get off during that “tounge lashing” and during the final deed! come on… really, we are the one thats gonna be stuck there for hours after you leave tied up! surprise sex… can be good, if you boys learn.
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