What What

The “Man” in the Relationship

This & That

Posted By: K Riddle | April 26, 2010 | 2 comments

My girlfriend and I are a happy, monogamous lesbian couple. It is obvious that we are together, we are only seeing each other, and neither of us has a penis tucked between our legs. Still, without fail, the question comes…

“So who’s the man in the relationship?”

Why does one person in a homosexual relationship always have to be labeled as the opposite sex for heterosexuals to understand? If there are two women together, how could there possibly be a man? The same applies for men… if there are two men in a relationship, then it is just that: two men.

I suppose the “sex-switch-a-roo” comes into play because of gender roles in our society. If a woman is with a woman who dresses “butch”, then she is automatically presumed the male in the relationship. Why? Because of her role. A man dresses a certain way, acts tough, and is more aggressive. Now, we are speaking of MEN. We are NOT speaking of the woman in the relationship who lives her life like this; the presumed “male role” solely based on her own preference in style of clothing, hair cut, likes, dislikes, aggressive or passive behavior. No… here we are only speaking of men. So, if she decides this is how she likes herself,  she is going to be labeled, “the man”.

Again, the same goes for gay men. If one man in the relationship decides to dress, talk or walk a certain way, dance to Madonna, hate on Britney, love boas… it is NOT because he is who he is; it is simply because he is gay, and is “the woman in the relationship”, right?? … Utter ridiculousness.

This “gender rule” is probably never going to go away. It is something I find to be instilled in society. That’s alright by me, people break it all the time. The only thing here that is irritating is that stupid question. There is no man in a lesbian relationship. There is no woman in a gay male relationship. I hope that people just stop asking, and stop forcing the whole “role” thing. Just let people be themselves and express themselves the way they want, without telling them they are being a girl, or a boy. They are just being themselves.

1. 

   Aaron Van Gossen May 10, 2010 at 2:14 pm

   I hear you. IT’s pretty F-n stupid. My wife and I know three lesbian couples and all three are feminine women and no one plays the ‘man’ role. And in terms of the ‘man’ role, my wife works full time and supports us. I was a full time student and am now looking for work. I also cook, clean and grocery shop. Is it because I’m a woman? Am I weak and non-aggressive? Is my wife butch and overbearing? No, I’m just better at doing those things than she is, and as of now I’m home more often. My wife is intelligent, educated, motivated and very type-A personality, that’s why she’ s successful and makes more money than I do. She’s also more intelligent so she’s in charge of the finances. We both have our strengths and like ay good couple we work together with our strengths to make our lives work.
   And anyone who dares call me a woman, I’ll meet you anywhere anytime and show you just how much of a man I am. Just let me take off my jewelry first.

Continuing the Discussion

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